photography / Troy Boman Pregnant with her second set of twins, Brenda Spearman eats ice cream with her three children, 8-year-old Mikal (l-r) and 5-year-old twins Bridget and Nicole, at England Acres Park in Tooele.

by Missy Thompson

STAFF WRITER

One day a year moms can relax. They don’t have to cook a meal or clean up after their kids. Some mothers probably wish that every day could be Mother’s Day since they have that job all year. One Tooele mom, with twins, views Mother’s Day as a day to be grateful of her children and share the love she has for them.

Brenda Spearman, of Tooele, was told a few months into her marriage that she would never have children. Now, she has an 8-year-old daughter Mikal, 5-1/2-year-old fraternal twin girls Nicole and Bridget, and is pregnant with another set of twins, due in three weeks.

“This year, given my condition, I’ll probably be sitting around with my feet up all day,” Spearman said of her Mother’s Day plans.

In their family, they have a tradition of calling all of the mothers, aunts and grandmas in the family and telling them how much they are appreciated. Because her children are still young, they draw pictures and make cards for her each year. But, Spearman sees Mother’s Day as any other day.

“Just having the opportunity to be a mother, whether of one or two, is special enough,” Spearman said. “I don’t think a mother ever takes a break.”

As a mother of twins, with another set on the way, one might expect Spearman to become easily stressed or frustrated. She really loves her children and will use Sunday to remind them of that.

Spearman and her friend Erica Hope started Tooele Mothers of Multiples in 2002 when they both gave birth to a set of twins. As the years have progressed and their children are now in kindergarten, they don’t meet on a regular basis, but the initial friendships built out of the group have lasted and Spearman says it’s good knowing there are others who have twins.

“There are a lot of multiples in Tooele — 10 to 15 moms,” Spearman said. “We used [Tooele Mothers of Multiples] as a mother’s night out and a play group. It was someone you could hook up with and hang out. We’re still friends and our kids are still friends.”

Spearman and her husband, Mike, used in vitro fertilization to conceive, which has turned into two sets of twins.

“It’s been the most helpful and it’s been successful,” she said. “It’s a nice way to go. But it’s also fun to meet people with twins and find out how they did it.”

A friend of Spearman’s has twins as does the friend’s sister. Their twins were naturally occurring, as no special treatments were used to have their children.

Because Spearman has already been through a pregnancy with twins before, she knows how to handle a double birth and what to do with twins. Mikal would be up some nights and not others. With her twins, one would be up all night and the other would sleep, then they would switch.

“Logistically I know what to expect,” Spearman said. “I’ve nursed two babies before, but when it comes to personality they’re always so different. It’s hard finding who they are and providing for each at the same time. That’s a challenge for everyone whether it’s two or one at a time.”

For moms with twins, a lot of how hard or easy it is to raise them depends on the support at home. Because there are two children, moms need to stay home and their husbands go to work. Sometimes in-laws, neighbors or friends will help out as well.

“They come in at the beginning and help, but it doesn’t get any easier as you go along,” she said.

Spearman’s oldest daughter is perfectly content playing by herself. The twins, however, make twice the mess.

“They gang up on you. They have a mob mentality,” Spearman said. “The twins, when they get together, they terrorize the place. The two of them set each other off.”
Despite those challenges as a mother of three, Spearman and her husband decided to try for a fourth child before she got “too old.” Now, she’ll give birth to children four and five in a few weeks.

With two sets of twins on the horizon, Spearman identifies with other moms who have twins.

“You gravitate toward people who are in the same situation as you,” she said. “I have a problem of going up to people at Wal-Mart and asking if their children are twins and end up having a 10 to 15 minutes conversation with them.”

Spearman said moms with older twins will take younger or first-time twin moms under their wings and give them support from experience.

“They usually tell them, ‘There’s life at the end of the first year,’” she said.

Just a few weeks before she gives birth to her second set of twins, Spearman will use Mother’s Day to reflect on the experience she’s had as a mother.

“For me, Mother’s Day is a time to appreciate what I have and be grateful for what I have,” she said. “I let my husband and children know that I love them and love my job to be a mother to them.”

missy@tooeletranscript.com