There's no getting around it. Halloween is only six, glorious candy days away. You may make me out as crazy, but I've got it all figured out.

This Halloween, my children are going to collect enough candy so we can use it as part of our food storage. Of course, I will have to dry pack it in cans marked "freeze dried green beans" and "powdered eggs," but I really think Halloween can truly be a financial breakthrough for the consumer -- I mean, trick-or-treater.

Come the close of Halloween eve, we will have enough candy to supply our entire family for a year. In addition, we can use the surplus in times of dire need or national crisis. We'll be able to barter just about anything with our handy dandy candy supply.

So, you may ask, how does this work? How does storing up Halloween candy allow me to barter when other things like water or flour or gasoline may take precedence?

Allow me to oblige with dialogue that could very well take place during a national crisis over simple, precious, delicious, hard Halloween candy.

Mrs. Doe: My children have not smelled a stick of gum for months. What would you be willing to trade to have them smell a piece of your 10-year-old Halloween candy?

Me: Well, we really could use some high-grade gasoline.

Mrs. Doe: All right, I can trade you 20 gallons for a smell of your gum.

Me: Technically, that would be five smells, wouldn't it? Five noses sniffing on one piece of gum?

Mrs. Doe: Hmm, I see what you mean. How about the gasoline and a 30-gallon drum of spring water?

Me: You know, if you throw in 40 pounds of sugar with that I'll be happy to divide the stick of gum in five pieces and each of your children can have a chew.

Mrs Doe: It's a deal.

Okay, so that most likely never would happen, but I'll tell you what will happen on Halloween night. After my little costumed tribe comes in from the cold, so excited about their stash of sweets, I will put all the candy in one huge bowl.

Then, I'll explain to my understanding children the importance of sharing as a family. I'll let them know that all their trick-or-treating efforts will be a blessing in our family as we share one piece of candy, per child, per meal, per day, until we get down to the 23 butterscotch buttons and finally throw them away at Easter.

Then, right before bed, I will let them carefully choose five pieces of candy that they can eat before they go to sleep -- or save for breakfast the next morning. After they nod off to sleep, with sugar powder on their cheeks and sticky lollipop syrup in their hair, I'm going to eat every single chocolate candy bar by myself, because, sugar, that's what Halloween is all about.

Darla Jones has lived in Tooele for nine years. She has eight children and she loves chocolate.